So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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