I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
