i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can you bring me the toilet please
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
