I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
