There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
