In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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