She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
