the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
