So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
