He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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