its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
