I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
