you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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