Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
