There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Someone came in the potted fern
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