oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
