have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
