I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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