We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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