Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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