U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
