The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
