You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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