sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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