dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
