I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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