i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will be naked everywhere
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
