Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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