Define "chronic" masturbator.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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