tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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