shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
