I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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