Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize