there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
