she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize