I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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