I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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