Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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