Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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