Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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