When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
