please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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