I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
