We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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