took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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