You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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