Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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