Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
