is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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