I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
