can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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