i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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