i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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