Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
