Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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