Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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