I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
